Can I Have Some Drama Please? As a Treat?
Megan Watches Episode 139: "Introducing Lorelai Planetarium"
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What’s Wrong With Episode 139: “Introducing Lorelai Planetarium”? After the Dramatic Low of “French Twist,” I Was Expecting More Mess
I hate to say it, but even with my misguided season 7 apologia, this episode is quite a snooze. Maggie and I endured “French Twist” with trepidation and baffled frustration, and after the horrors of that episode, I guess I was just expecting… something? Like Patricia Arquette in Boyhood, I thought there would be more! But while “French Twist” is so bad it becomes incomprehensible, this episode is honestly just kinda boring, which in my opinion is a worse artistic crime than just making a big mess of things.
“Introducing Lorelai Planetarium” opens with Lorelai in the weird keyed-up mode she’s been written in for the past few episodes: She’s always been a quirky speed-talker, but as I said last week, she’s now written like she’s someone on just a TON of cocaine — notably a drug that does not improve anyone’s personality. Lorelai is in a fit of pique because, she says, she and Christopher have to tell Rory they got married. (It would’ve been a good thing to mention BEFORE getting married, but that’s just one woman’s opinion!) So they lure Rory to the Gilmore house with snails they pass off as coming from France (which, can you even bring snails through customs? I have my doubts) and Rory acts (badly) like she’s fine with their marriage, and because he is not very emotionally intelligent, Christopher is like “Cool! Great! She’s fine with it! Let’s get rid of everything in her room and buy 1 million flatscreen TVs. I am a man!”
And Lorelai is distressed, because she knows bad acting when she sees it and understands that Rory thinks they have actually done something deranged. Lorelai frets. Lorelai calls Rory with the persistence of Dean in the early seasons of this show. But Lorelai’s not really worried about what Rory thinks. She’s actually wracked with regret over what she’s done. (This is the subtext I’m reading into this episode that might not even be there, but listen, I have to because if I don’t it’s just disappointing.) Rory is rightly furious, but holds it in because, she tells Logan, “I am quite the compartmentalizer.” Girl. We know.
Speaking of Logan: He visits as a surprise, which he does so often it actually seems like it would become kind of a point of incompatibility when you’re dating someone who hates surprises as much as Rory. He’s lucky he’s cute! He drags Rory to a startup (?) party (I don’t really understand what Logan does, nor do I care to), where they are forced to talk to vapid rich people, and then Rory meets a guy who just started an online magazine. And looks like it! (Complimentary.) Lance Barber brings some alt weekly realness to Hugo!
When offered the chance to contribute to Hugo’s publication as a freelancer, Rory immediately writes a searing take-down of everyone at the party because this is Gawker’s internet ca. 2006, and you gotta be mean or at least very weird if you want to get paid $50 a story to publicly share your trauma with the world. (Look, I know it’s been a rough year for journalism, but I’m just glad XOJane isn’t pulling that shit anymore. Let’s count our blessings!) Logan is upset by Rory’s mean story, and this is what passes for drama in this episode, in which April also has appendicitis, prompting Luke and Lorelai to have an important onscreen reunion that’s treated as such a nothingburger that it feels that way to watch it, too.
On the plus side, Rory finally decides it’s time to move out of Logan’s loft. Good for her! And I do kinda like this exchange between the two of them as they deconstruct her decision to publish her meanest thoughts for all to see:
RORY: I didn't think you would take it personally. I mean you're totally different from these people.
LOGAN: No, I'm not, and you know what I don't want to be.
RORY: Logan…
LOGAN: I'm a rich trust-fund kid. I'm not ashamed of it.
RORY: No and you shouldn't be. That's not what I meant. I mean, the point or the point I was trying to make was that people use connections to get ahead.
LOGAN: Oh give me a break, you act like making connections is something nefarious. It's just people meeting people.
RORY: Well, it's certain people meeting certain people. It's not like anyone's meeting Joe bus driver.
LOGAN: And you're Joe bus driver.
RORY: Well, no, but…
LOGAN: Exactly, I mean where do you get off acting all morally superior?
RORY: That is not what I intended to say at all.
LOGAN: You clearly think you are. Why? Because you read "Ironweed"? 'Cause you saw "Norma Rae"?
RORY: Logan…
LOGAN: Wake up Rory whether you like it or not, you're one of us. You went to prep school. You go to Yale. Your grandparents are building a whole damn astronomy building in your name.
RORY: That is different, okay? It's not like I live off a $5-million trust fund my parents set up for me.
LOGAN: Yeah well, you're not exactly paying rent, either.
I don’t love Logan being the voice of reason here, but he has a point! One of the major tensions of Gilmore Girls is that Lorelai acts like she’s made a completely independent life for herself, but she also basically asks her parents for help whenever she needs money, and it’s cash flow she can rely on. She and Rory can scoff at the Elder Gilmores’ wealth because they’ll have access to it no matter what. It’s pretty easy and low-stakes to make fun of the trappings of WASP World when you have access to the privileges it comes with, and this is something I know from experience. Being able to comfortably make fun of privilege is often a pretty good sign you’re benefiting from it. This is one of the few times a critique of Gilmore Exceptionalism enters the text of the show, and I’m happy to see it, however conflicted I may feel about the messenger.
But I’m not happy that the tension this exchange introduces is resolved so tidily, like all of the other conflicts in this episode. I’m sorry but getting secretly married to a manchild who regularly ruins your daughter’s life should be a decision that results in more narrative consequences, because if you’re going to have the characters do that, you should, at the very least, use it as a natural setup for some explosive Lorelai-Rory fights. I know, I know: The end for Christopher and Lorelai is coming. But it’s not coming soon enough, and in the meantime, the spiciest character in this episode is Logan. Like I said: Kinda boring.
8 Other Things Wrong With This Episode
When Olivia and Lucy confirm that Rory’s story is mean, Rory says she’s not mean because she’s Fran Lebowitz. Uh, has Rory read Fran Lebowitz? Fran Lebowitz has many good qualities, including very fun personal style, but she is also mean!
When Lorelai invites Rory over for dinner and Rory says she’d like to come over at a later date because she has a study group, Lorelai says “it has to be tonight.” Lorelai, get a grip. Your daughter is in college. Your bad decision will still be there in the morning! Maybe I’m starting to hate Lorelai?
Rory wears a sweater with a ribbon as a belt. I don’t like it.
When Lorelai and Christopher explain their marriage story, it makes even less sense:
LORELAI: Oh, no, we just went there to walk around, to see the lilies. And, um, then it started raining, and there was this little church, and, uh...
CHRISTOPHER: It was so beautiful, and we were so happy, and we got married.
RORY: Wow.
CHRISTOPHER: The ceremony was in French, so there's only a 90% chance that we're actually married. There's a 10% chance we were issued a very expensive dog license.
First of all, I don’t think you can get married in a little church in France impulsively, because anything involving French paperwork cannot be achieved impulsively. And, uh, shouldn’t they figure out if they’re actually married? This is so unserious.
There’s a guy named Tripp Kavanagh at the launch party, a name that sounds like it would appear in Brett Kavanaugh’s planner. (I’m sorry to bring it up.)
No fucking way Luke, a person who never leaves Connecticut, saw a grizzly. That was a black bear and he needs to calm down.
Aside from all the hitting, The Philadelphia Story is a great movie and it didn’t deserve to be employed so cheaply in this underwhelming episode.
There is a hospital near Stars Hollow named St. Joseph’s now? I don’t like that this show is suddenly introducing new place names we’ve never heard before. This is season 7. Get real! This is clear evidence that we’re watching the fallout from the Palladino mutiny and I didn’t need any more of it.
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