We Interrupt Our Usual Content to Discuss Sexy Snowmen and Holiday Cheer
That's Right: The Gilmore Women Are Writing About Brain-Smoothing Holiday Romcoms
It’s December, and you know what that means: It’s time to watch holiday romances bankrolled by streaming giants and greeting card companies. Here at Gilmore Women, we love a low-budget production about a Big City Career Woman meeting a Rugged Man in a Small Town with a Cheerful Name. So we took a break from our usual programming to explore a few from seasons past and present, starting with the one you’re all thinking of!
Hot Frosty
I had to watch Hot Frosty, because it’s about a jacked snowman who comes to life when Lacey Chabert puts an enchanted scarf on him. OK! This is exactly as deranged as it sounds, because somehow, this sentient snowman just… lives in Lacey Chabert’s house? And COOKS a pizza? But can only eat frozen pizza himself? And NEVER melts? And isn’t a chilly nightmare to embrace? Which she does, because he’s going to become A Real Boy. These logistical questions are all hand-waved away with the not-very-good explanation that Lacey Chabert, a widow, is not very handy so when the heat at her house stops working, it just stays that way, and her home is very cold.
Honestly, this was an enjoyable movie to watch FOR its overall lack of coherence — A doctor isn’t concerned that a patient has the temperature of a dead person! I kept thinking Lacey Chabert was Jennifer Love Hewitt! I can’t decide if I think the guy playing Hot Frosty is actually hot! What I’m saying is that Hot Frosty is COMMITTED to its nonsense. Also, Lacey Chabert runs a diner much like Luke’s, and Chrishell Stause has a tiny cameo as a mom whose daughter wants to order chocolate chip pancakes even though it’s a weekday. It’s twinkly, misguided, narratively floppy maximalism, and somehow it worked for me! MEGAN BURBANK
Our ratings out of 10 enchanted scarves:
Overall quality: 🧣
How much we liked it: 🧣🧣🧣🧣🧣🧣🧣🧣🧣
Our Little Secret
Our Little Secret is a classic forced-proximity enemies-to-lovers arc, starring Lindsay Lohan and Ian Harding as estranged exes thrown together at Christmas because they’re dating people in the same family. It seems like Netflix ponied up for the talent in this one, which includes not just Lohan but Kristin Chenoweth, Judy Reyes, Tim Meadows, and Chris Parnell. But it’s all a waste because honestly, this movie is bad, and not in the enjoyable way of most hastily concocted holiday romances. Watch Lohan’s head injury-focused Falling for Christmas instead. It’s not good either, but comes off as truly artful in comparison. MB
Maybe I’m just too obsessed with Lindsay Lohan’s comeback story as the Mariah Carey of Netflix Christmas movies, but I loved this one. Or maybe it was just because Irish Wish, her St. Patrick’s Day movie released last year was so obviously written by AI during the Hollywood writers’ strike, that this one felt refreshingly real! MAGGIE MERTENS
Our ratings out of 10 purloined holiday cookies:
Overall quality: 🍪🍪🍪
How much Megan liked it: Honestly just half a cookie, sorry
How much Maggie liked it: 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪
The Merry Gentlemen
Have you ever wondered what happens to an aging Rockette? Well, Britt Robertson is here to portray a woman who only ever wanted to be a Rockette (or in this case a Jingle Belle) and who apparently has no other jobs and can survive in New York City on a seasonal gig! In the opening scenes, however, she gets fired for being too old, goes home to her small midwestern town where she has not spent Christmas for more than a decade and runs into a scruffy Chad Michael Murray, resident down-home handyman and woodworker who doesn’t care for “big cities” but does care about maintaining chunky blonde highlights in his shaggy ’do. They fall in love, naturally, but there are complications, like the aforementioned big city vs. small town issue and the fact that her parents’ nightclub is $30,000 behind in rent!! Between Robertson’s dancing smarts and Murray’s abs, a Christmas-themed small-town Magic Mike is born! The finances make no sense and truly capitalism would never allow this town to even exist any more, but even twenty years later, Murray brings the good old-fashioned Tristan vibes and charm, and the other two men who get recruited are actual dancers! Also, the dog is very cute. MM
I have very little to add here, but a trigger warning for Britt Robertson’s wig, which is an abomination. Otherwise, I have very few complaints about a rare dance-focused movie where the main character’s inability to dance really works with the plot. Also, the Rhythm Room scenes were filmed on location at an Elks Lodge in Van Nuys, and I just think that’s beautiful. Maggie and I watched this with a plentiful supply of orange wine and Thai food, which is how it should be. MB
Our ratings out of 10 dancing snowflakes :
Overall quality: ❄️❄️
How much Maggie liked it: ❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️
How much Megan liked it: ❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️
A Castle for Christmas
Listen. Sometimes a Hallmark-quality romcom — with terrible production values, wooden acting, and implausibly cheerful small towns populated by eligible men in their 30s — is exactly what we want. Nothing pairs better with a Sofia mini and a snarky friend to hate-watch along with. But if you’re going to do this, go big or go home. That’s why I recommend A Castle for Christmas (the plot is self-explanatory). A Castle for Christmas stars Cary Elwes and Brooke Shields, somehow. As a movie, it’s very bad. But as background noise for untangling holiday lights or trimming your tree, or for a watch party among likeminded friends, to me it is perfect. MB
Our rating out of 10 big-city career woman stilettos:
Overall quality: 👠👠👠
How much we liked it: 👠👠👠👠👠
Holiday in the Wild
There’s truly not much to say about this one. Incredibly, it stars Rob Lowe and Kristin Davis as animal lovers who fall in love while caring for elephants, and I’m pretty sure it’s just feature-length sponcon for Davis’ elephant advocacy. This is not a complaint! I love elephants and Kristin Davis! And she and Rob Lowe have much better chemistry than the leads of A Castle for Christmas. It’s a mess, but you’ll have fun! Probably. MB
Our rating out of 10 winsome baby elephants:
Overall quality: 🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘
How much we liked it: 🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘
Christmas in Notting Hill
Is this an obvious, even self-referential Hallmark version of Ted Lasso? Yes. But it kind of works? Despite the very low-budget Hallmark feel that makes two real actors seem like total novices, I was still charmed by the age-old take on “famous man in his field meets woman who falls in love with him without knowing he’s famous.” Plus I have a special place in my heart for Sarah Ramos, of Parenthood fame, who plays the young American special ed teacher who loves soccer and has always played it safe and stuck close to home until she spends Christmas in Notting Hill with her much younger sister, who she helped raise, as they remember their dead mom. (CLASSIC!) William Moseley, who plays the male lead, is called “the Roy Kent” of his team by Ramos’ on-screen dad, and, though he has none of the pathos or depth of Kent, you’re still rooting for this cute couple as he tries to figure out his relationship to football and his own dead parent. (HOW ELSE COULD A CHARACTER HAVE ANY EMOTIONAL DEPTH?!) Also, I do appreciate that the drama is actually really about the sisters renegotiating their adult relationship and less about Ramos being mad that he never told her he was a famous footballer. But beware: this is one of those sister-brother sister-brother romances that are always a little strange when you think about them too much!! MM
Our rating out of 10 spots o’ tea:
Overall quality: 🫖🫖🫖
How much we liked it: 🫖🫖🫖🫖🫖🫖
A Biltmore Christmas
I’ve listened to enough episodes of It’s Christmastown to know that any Hallmark movie that isn’t filmed at a currently closed Crate & Barrel store in one night is one that actually had some budget to work with. This particular brain-smoothing rom-com is set at the Biltmore Estate, a real, beautiful, place, in a fictional world; a cult-classic 1940s Christmas movie that sounds kind of like It’s a Wonderful Life was famously set there. Now, Lucy, played by Bethany Joy Lendz (yes, another One Tree Hill crossover! Also apparently she is now a bestselling author because of her memoir about being in a cult!?!?), is a screenwriter tasked with writing the remake. But she wants the ending to be realistic, not romantic, because, you know, she is jaded in love. So the studio head sends her to the Biltmore at Christmas to get some fresh ideas. Of course, she ends up time-traveling to 1947 and being there for the actual filming of the original, and well, I won’t give away the ending but it’s not realistic — and sure is romantic!!! Casting is amazing and Joy Lendz sure can pull off the His Girl Friday-era red lip. I loved it. MM
Our rating out of 10 old-timey microphones:
Overall quality: 🎙️🎙️🎙️🎙️
How much we liked it: 🎙️🎙️🎙️🎙️🎙️🎙️🎙️
Christmas Island
I fully expected to make savage fun of this dorky holiday romance about a private pilot who falls for a cranky air traffic controller, but honestly the cranky air traffic controller… had the intended effect on me. I would let him reroute me to Teterboro in a snowstorm any day, no matter how irritated it made my first officer. (Yes, in this scenario I am the captain. Please don’t ask me how many aviation podcasts I listen to because it’s more than one.)
Anyway, don’t think too hard about how American aviation actually works — or about how there is a character in this movie whose full name (I think) is California, or the plausibility of a pilot and her rich family of clients getting stranded in a nice Canadian town long enough to accommodate a full enemies-to-lovers arc — or you’ll miss the merriment of Christmas Island’s grumpy-sunshine allure. MB
Our rating out of 10 climate-destroying business jets:
Overall quality: 🛩️🛩️🛩️🛩️🛩️
How much we liked it: 🛩️🛩️🛩️🛩️🛩️🛩️🛩️
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lol, you had the same idea I did! I decided to try my hand at a substack for silly Christmas movies this year. I kinda loved Hot Frosty (and believe it’s absolutely intentionally silly, and kinda smart about it sometimes), barely got through Merry Gentlemen with my boyfriend but did enjoy the dancing, and was shocked last year to discover that A Biltmore Christmas is ALMOST A REAL MOVIE? My mom and I actually paused it to get snacks in between, which we never do for hallmark movies ever. Hope you both have a happy holiday season!
I enjoyed Hot Frosty, and I actually really loved A Biltmore Christmas when I watched it last year when it premiered. My sister and I watched it with our mom on our actual birthday so that was fun!
Hot Frosty was a bit silly, but it was funny and sweet, and easy to have on in the background while I wrapped presents.